You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He felt like a one man threesome
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
