i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
