It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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