i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
