PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
