Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
