so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
