So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
