i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
