Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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