I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
