you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
