I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
