I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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