He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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