I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
