Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
