The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize