So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
