i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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