I will die if light touches me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
