If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
