She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
