My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I currently don't understand fingers.
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