So drunk its hurt
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
