First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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