what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
