I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
