True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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