In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
