Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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