I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
