i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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