so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
