It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
