I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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