what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
