Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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