I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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