That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
