Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
