I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
