The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
should my penis look like a turkey
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
