She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
