I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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