Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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