Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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