I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just puked most of my soul out..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
