we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
