speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize