He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
