Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
