he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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