Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize