he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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