It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
