she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
