Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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