last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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