i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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