? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
