My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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