I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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