moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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