Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
