So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this just has baby written all over it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
