The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
