Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
