He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I am available for nakedness
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
