Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
