like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
