I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
