yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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